A common tactic of gaslighters/narcissists is to falsely claim that they have others that verify their criticisms of you. Several clients have reported to me that their gaslighting/narcissistic partners would make comments like the following:

“Everyone knows you’re crazy.”
“My entire family thinks you’re crazy.”
“Everyone is disappointed in you.”
“Your family knows what you’re like. Who are they going to believe, you or me?”
“Your sister doesn’t even believe you. She’s told me how crazy you are.”
Note the gaslighter’s use of absolutes like “everyone,” “all,” “none,” “always,” and “never.” Very rarely do absolutes apply to a given situation. It’s just another way for a gaslighter to try to stack the deck against you.

Why Do Gaslighters Claim Others Back Them Up?

Why do gaslighters go for this strategy? First, to them, the worst thing that could happen is that people don’t think that they are wonderful. The worst thing to a gaslighter is having their public image tarnished. So they project those feelings on to you. A prime example is when gaslighters accuse someone of being selfish. Gaslighters will accuse someone of a behavior or action that is actually a description of themselves.

 

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